Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
