Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
