I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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