You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
