I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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