She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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