I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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