his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
