Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
