i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
