Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
