don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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