You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
