Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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