addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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