So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
