This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Did I show you my penis last night?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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