Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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