Already got asked if we're dating
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
