I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
