Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
