Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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