im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
