dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
