After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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