They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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