I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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