just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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