sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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