Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
