I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
