Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just pynch a tree in the face
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
