I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
