Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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