Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
