When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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