and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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