So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
