How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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