It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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