There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
