Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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