My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
