Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
