She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
