my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
