how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
True strength comes from lack of pants
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
