there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My dad just said "fuck circus"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
