I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
