she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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