Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
