i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
