i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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