I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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