Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
