im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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