Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
