You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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